It's been a while...

12:00 PM

New things are happening in my life. Which is good, because that means I'm progressing and, you know, living. And whatnot.

A lot has gone on. If you're interested, keep reading...


I broke up with a friend a while ago, but it seems that lately, while I have a ton of things on my plate, it's something that's been haunting me in the back of my mind.

I am now "free", but with freedom I now know there comes an emotional toll. Sometimes it still hurts and I crave that closeness of another human who understood me. It's hard to step back and remind myself that I'm better now, less angry, much freer, and almost -- dare I say? -- happier.

But even with all the good, this fresh start has made me realize how much I have isolated myself. Even from other bloggers. I beg for community yet make no effort to reach out. Scratch that, I have tried. Every time I did, though, it felt... awkward. Is this because I'm so used to the rhythm of past friendships? Is it because I know no longer possess social skills? Or worse: lack compassion for others? I mean, I'm not longer that sweet girl who tried to make time for everyone. I'm selfish now. And how does one go about making friendships anyway?

Let me know: Is it better to have a multitude of "surface level" friends, or a handful of close, deep, best friends?


- - -

I'm doing the college thing. Where you actually go and take classes. Yeah.

I had a meltdown over a history paper, but thus far it's been great. In Psychology I usually sit next to a girl named Darby who knows a lot about Sigmund Freud. She draws really well too. And I like her commentary.

In History I befriended a mother who's probably just as scared as the professor as I am, but boy does she handle it well.

Other than that, no one really smiles and they talk in their own friend groups. Maybe that's just because I go to early morning classes. Or maybe I'm no friendly enough. (Oh, and about that paper, I got 10/10 points.)

I never realized college would be a time suck. I mean, I did. But I didn't. I made a schedule, and I'm supposed to have 9 hours a day where I'm free but so far that's no happening. I really wanted to focus on my blogging/writing during these months too. But right now I'm slaying demons and fears. And it's not like I don't have enough time, I just need to get used to spending a majority of it on school.

Speaking of projects I came up with another book idea. It's dystopian. And it's a secret romance where the two opposite main characters fall in love.

I see a recurring theme.

I've been playing the comparison game a lot lately. I made a BuJo post on A&A last month, and I found a hauntingly similar post on someone else's blog, only their post was -- of course -- much more aesthetic and interacted with. Oh, the emotional beat up. I had to remind myself that they've been established in the blogging community for much longer and I only launched A&A a little over a month ago.

But it's still hard. LIKE Y U SO PERF AND ME SO TRYING SO HARD TO REACH THE SAME MARK?

I actually felt mocked by this post but it's whatevs.

- - -

I went outside after dark the other day and it smelt of burning wood. The safe campfire kind. It reminded me of fall and I hit that craving where I wanted to eat a slice of pumpkin roll while wearing my Doc Martens and a cozy flannel. Plus the weather is so much cooler now. So it's safe to say--

MY FRIEND, IT'S FINALLY FALL! Yes!!! The happiness that has been bestowed upon me is uncontainable.

- - -

I realized the other day that I can write about whatever makes me happy and for some reason, that inspired me. But I had no idea what to write about so the feeling died.

The spark was there. It was there and it hasn't been for a long time. Maybe I can revive it. It's never too late!

- - -

Thank you for listening. I really needed a moment to get all my thoughts down without it having to be 12pt New Times Roman and double spaced. I'm glad I did this for me.

Anyways.

What's been going on in your life?

I'm curious. Please, let me know. Dump it out or just leave a word, I'm not picky. Or scary. I promise.

xx Rosie

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9 Sweet Notes

  1. I have been doing a lot of little nothings. Slaying demons and fears at least we have that in common.
    I find your blog super aesthetic by the way!

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    1. *fist bump* You go girl! We got this!

      Daawww, thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate you saying that... <3

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  2. I've had many a meltdown over History papers (also, yay for Freud - what an... interesting man) so you're not alone in the college struggle. I know how a friend break up feels as well, so I'm here for you if you ever need to talk <3 Lots of love xx

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    1. Thank you, Bethan, you have greatly eased my conscious (and about Freud, "interesting" is a nice way to put him. ;) I may take you up on that -- thank you oh so much. <3

      hugs <3

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  3. I read this post yesterday on my phone but it wouldn't let me comment! Friend breakups are the worst. Honestly they get me down so much but sometimes they are for the better.

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    1. Oh dear! I'll get that fixed. Gosh, aren't they? This particular friend has been in my life for years now, so it's been a real drag. But I agree, sometimes friend break ups are for the better. This one definitely was...

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  4. I'm so sorry things have been rough for you lately, Rose. :( <3 You should pop by the blogger chat sometimes- we miss you over there!!!

    Also I read the BuJu post, and I thought it was fantastic. I can't remember why I didn't comment at the time- I probably read it on my phone. But it was lovely and very aesthetic. <3

    I hope that things get better for you, and you have a very lovely fall, friend. <3

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    1. *Rosie, darnit xD

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    2. It will work out in the end, Grace Anne. :) Gah, of course! I always forget I'm part of that little community. XP I shall contribute more often from now on.

      Oh, thank you. I really appreciate that. You're so sweet. (All this weight fell of my chest.)

      Thank you -- I hope things are well with you. Are they? You too, dear. <3

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xx Nicole Rose