Skip to main content

Hiding Feeling: A Writing Piece (Guest Post)

"I could never imagine you angry Aileen! Never! You are always so very joyful and friendly!"

I mask my annoyance with a thin laugh. "That is kind of you," I say, my teeth grinding together. "I am glad you think of me that way." A false smile takes up my lips. They believe it. Yes, I have always been good at giving those fake smiles. 

For, is it not especially unnatural to be happy all the time? To not ever show just a minuscule bit of vexation. Doesn't everybody have some? All of us have right to be angry at some point. What matters is exactly how you go about expressing your feelings. 

My name, Aileen, means bright. That, I do strive to be. But sometimes, a bit of anger swells up inside me. I keep it under control, I keep smiling. "Aileen," I say to myself, "Be bright! Don't show your displeasure!" I listen to what I say to myself. I follow it, no matter how much strength it takes. I conceal my feeling, and shield them with what people assume about my general character. 

Some anger stores up. Some fades away. 

A few days ago, I had a lot of anger. I concealed it away at first, laughing along to the terror of the event. Pairs of eyes looked at me smiling. They thought something about me that wasn't true. When the subject was mentioned upon as "bad" they targeted me. I said nothing. I withstood it, not standing up for myself. I acted like the whole situation was hilarious. Scornful comments were made, and as they built up, anger did too. I made the decision to open up my mask just a bit. I built up the courage, and talked reasonably and calmly. 

Nobody believed or payed attention to a single word I was saying. "This isn't like you," they said. Everyone had categorized me into a mold of personality. One that didn't exist. My anger had been festering up. After nobody took me seriously, it finally blew. 

Should I have masked my annoyance when that general assumption regarding me always being joyful by a friend was made? Shouldn't I have learned from my mistakes by now? Shouldn't I have told that I do get angry at times?  Nobody took me seriously when I voiced my feelings , but is it not worse to have my anger build again? To have an outburst instead of a calm talk to work out a situation? If I express some of my anger by talking to people more often, will they take me seriously? But, is it possible to change from old behaviors? They who my anger spurted out on call me crazy. Is it wrong that I am still laughing along with them? About my crazy outburst that it wasn't expected at all, and that I am never angry? 

Old habits are hard to break. But I have things to say and do. I have feelings that need to be communicated.  And, I am going to try hard to break this habit.

+ + +

Bio: Hello! I'm Jollygirl! I'm just a normal girl, (well, actually slightly different than a normal girl) who started a blog. I enjoy reading blogs and interacting with other people in blog land. And, it gives me a great way to express my opinions and thoughts, and just random things. I'm an introvert, who has trouble interacting with people I don't know very well. I'm also a reader, always getting swiped into books, ending up reading several at a time. Writing is another cherished hobby. And, of course, I'm always, always, always thinking. I have so many ideas about the world. I really enjoyed guest posting on Rose's wonderful blog, and thank her for letting me do so!


Popular posts from this blog

A to Z CSS Cheat Sheet

Alright. Maybe you're just starting out with redesigning your blog. Maybe you want to get into CSS, but don't know where to start. Or perhaps you like figuring things out on your own, but you're stuck and need a resource.
That's why I crafted this super awesome (and easy to use) A to Z CSS cheat sheet. Even if you're not a "designer", and your "just a blogger", you will greatly benefit from knowing basic CSS like what's been included below.
Please have fun with this and share with me what you create with the help of these cheat sheets! :)

Click here to check out and download the A to Z CSS Cheat Sheet!
Keep buzzin'. <3 xx Nicole Rose

Room Tour 2019

I've always wanted to do one of these posts. If not for the enjoyment of others, for the enjoyment of my future self to look back on and realize how much my style and space have changed.

My door. I think I'm sooo artsy for taping paint swatches to my door. And I actually love how it looks too. I was going for "Starry Night" with my own little twist -- and without the actual paint. ;)

This is what my room looks like from the doorway. Can you guess what the theme is? It's funny -- a few weeks ago I was discussing with Kenzie how my room has this coral and aquamarine vibe to it, yet my Instagram theme is focused on yellows and blues, and my actual fashion style is very grungy/hispter/artsy. So it all comes full circle, I guess? Still, I love my room. It's my safe haven. Now come on in so I can give you the full tour...

Right as you walk in, you will see my DIY jewelry hanging on the wall to your right. It's quite a balancing act when I want to get one of th…

How and Why: Linkup Parties

Starting out as a blogger can be really hard. You want to grow your blog, but even though it seems like you've tried everything, nothing works. Your blog hasn't expanded in the least. You don't see any improvement.

That's why in this post I'm going to share with you the miracle of link up parties! I'm going to go over how they work, why you should create your own, which hosts you should use and much, much more.

Let's get started, shall we? :)

Share this post to help other bloggers learn about linkup parties.
How they work The typical link party can be broken down into 3 basic* parts.

* Every link up is different, so as you're reading through this and considering to create your own, consider adding a unique twist to your link up party. After all, people tend to get tired of seeing the same old same old.

The sponsors These are the people who came up with the original idea of that particular link party. It can be anyone from you on your lonesome to several …