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Do you ever look at someone else's blog/words/ect. and it gives you this feeling--this thought; I want to create something like that. I want to be like that.
I look around and I feel so overshadowed by all these talented people. Why can't I be like them? Why can't I have that talent? Or that grace? Why can't I be awesome?
As I'm looking around, I try to grab onto these qualities and break off a piece for myself, so I can be like that. So I can bring part of somebody else, into myself. It doesn't usually work, though. The piece is either too small, or crumbles and falls between my fingers, like dry, flowing sand.
I get so hopeless sometimes. I fall into this mental game of; "No Rose, you can't be like that. You get to stay your suck-ish self and watch everyone be better than you."
"But I don't want to be like this. I can be someone else. I don't have to be me. I can be better."
Oh, but that's so wrong, isn't it? I have to be me. I've been trying for so long to be this different person that I've lost myself. And, no matter how much I don't want to be like this, I have to. I have to be me. Gosh, I've been trying and trying and trying to change but nothing sticks.
Now I know why.
I'm meant to be me.