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Why can't I just...


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Do you ever look at someone else's blog/words/ect. and it gives you this feeling--this thought; I want to create something like that. I want to be like that.

I look around and I feel so overshadowed by all these talented people. Why can't I be like them? Why can't I have that talent? Or that grace? Why can't I be awesome?

Why can't I just...not be me?

As I'm looking around, I try to grab onto these qualities and break off a piece for myself, so I can be like that. So I can bring part of somebody else, into myself. It doesn't usually work, though. The piece is either too small, or crumbles and falls between my fingers, like dry, flowing sand.

I get so hopeless sometimes. I fall into this mental game of; "No Rose, you can't be like that. You get to stay your suck-ish self and watch everyone be better than you."

"But I don't want to be like this. I can be someone else. I don't have to be me. I can be better."

Oh, but that's so wrong, isn't it? I have to be me. I've been trying for so long to be this different person that I've lost myself. And, no matter how much I don't want to be like this, I have to. I have to be me. Gosh, I've been trying and trying and trying to change but nothing sticks.

Now I know why.

What I want has never been meant to be, has it?

I wish I knew who I was.

I hate this.

I'm meant to be me.

Comments

  1. i can so totally relate to this! It seems sometimes like i'm so caught up in trying to be like other people, I forget who I REALLY am. And if I do that, i just start feeling really sorry for myself an that never goes anywhere. That's an awesome post, Rose. xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. If it makes you feel any better Rose, I absolutely love your writing. To me you are so talented at multiple things. Like your blog designing is spectacular, your writing is flawless, and I love your personality that I can sorta see through your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rose.
    Flawless.
    Yes, that is the word I thought of after this post. It was brilliant, and EXACTLY how I feel all of the time.
    Amazing. Extremely clever. Beautiful.
    Those are the words I think of, after I survey a blog design of yours. How does she do this? It's amazing.
    Do go ahead and be yourself, because you're wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my gosh, this truly is flawless, I love it! :) <3
    I'm having a photo challenge if anyone wants to check it out:
    http://bananaandbear.blogspot.com/2014/06/2014-summer-photo-challenge.html
    :)
    xo,
    -Anna <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gawsh.
    I love you, Rose. Exactly how you are. <3
    Change is good, as long as it's not what you want out of insecurities.
    I'm so glad you can see that. <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. I feel the same way, and often... :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your writing, blogging, and everything is flawless!!! Be who you are, cause your amazing! I try to write as well as you all the time! You rock!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Girl, don't let anyone make you feel this way. You're beautiful, and so talented. I mean, it's hard to believe that we are talented because that's kind of how the world is, where we look at ourselves and compare ourselves with others; I get that. I always compared myself to the four most talented people in my geometry class, and I feel like a bag of trodden poop compared to them. But you know what? We should honestly not try to not live and act like them just to be happy and make them happy, because our happiness lies in what brings ourselves happiness. If you don't get what I mean, I'll just sum it up like this: When we try to please people and make them happy, the first person we should please, think and bring happiness to is to ourselves. It sounds selfish, but it's a good kind of selfish.

    Please be who you are.
    Don't let anyone change you.
    Lots of people love you, and we look up to you.
    Be yourself.

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete

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xx Nicole Rose

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