Sometimes I find myself wiggling around for no reason. Or I'm making weird faces to myself while I shuffle our old deck of cards. Sometimes I find myself with my fingers in my hair, twirling and twisting, attempting to make my tangled locks into something pretty--or maybe I do it just to busy myself.
Lately I've found I can't stop singing (unless I'm concentrating really hard). I look at my reflection in the bathroom, studying myself, just for a few minutes. My face, which drops to look at my shoulders, rib cage and so on. Again, my fingers are in my hair, attempting to make it look I remembered to brush it after I took a shower. My hips are getting utterly wide.
I've let myself listen to "(Kissed You) Good Night", even though I teased my sister for listening to it. In random moments in time, I find myself, turned out, gripping a shelf or chair or digging my fingers into the wall as I study my legs. I like to see how long I can balance on my tip toes or how many turns I can do in bare feet--just to see if I've lost my touch.
I've been working on other things, when I should be typing out twelve hundred (1200) words a day.
I've forgotten to post.
School just doesn't...work for me.
Am I slipping? Or am I finally finding out who I really am?
xx Nicole Rose