24 May 2013

I could have done something different...

"Hey, um, do you mind getting that bag down for us?" I mumble, looking down at my hands, not daring to meet his eyes.

He nods, smiling a little and moves to position himself in the right place. I glance over my shoulder at my dear friend, who watches. So I turn back to watch too. He reaches up for the bag, his fingers grazing the side, trying to coax it out of its place on the high shelf. But his fingers catch on the item inside the bag, and it falls, flopping down onto his face in a blur of green fuzziness. I hear laughter, and watch as he laughs along nervously, pulling the leg warmer off his face. The bag is finally retrieved and plopped onto the table. He's still laughing, along with others. I study his tomato red face for a moment, debating on whether to say something or not. But no words come to mind. I don't even have a smile to share. I pick up the bag and walk away, my friend trailing behind quietly.

***

Have you ever looked back at those moments in time and thought, "I could have said something better. I could have done something. I could have reacted in a different way." Well I have. Many, many times. I think back to certain moments, whether they happened months ago, or just yesterday, they still seem to burn brightly in my mind. I never truly let them go. I always get that feeling--that thought--that I could have said something to change the situation around. To switch it out and I could be somewhere else. I wouldn't feel the heavy burden of the memory. I wouldn't have all these reactions, words, or sleep stealing notions.

But I can't change the past.

Sometime, someday, somehow, someway, I hope I get that through my thick head. That I can't change the past. That I can't let these things get me down. That I can't let these mental scenes--that replay over and over--change or control my life. Maybe...hopefully...I don't know. But for now, I shall let the memories--the burdens--stay where they are.

tell me i'm not the only one who feels this way || let it go

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

13 comments

  1. I totally feel this way. :P I'm always like, "That was so awkward! Why didn't you say something?" I've just got to remind myself that it's in the past and I can't do anything about it.

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    Replies
    1. Haha, exactly. :P

      Thanks for the comment. :)

      -Rose

      Delete
  2. Ohhhhhhhh yes. Yes, I can relate. I can relate all too well.

    xo,
    Jessie

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    Replies
    1. *sighs* I know right?

      Delete
  3. That is me, every single day. I can never let go of the past, and I'm always thinking about everything I've done wrong. There are many moments where I wish I'd done something different.

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    Replies
    1. YES, exactly. I replay moments over and over in my head, thinking I could be somewhere else in my life if only I'd done something different...

      Delete
  4. okay, so, do you like have a hidden camera in my bag or something? because I swear you sound just like me. thing's like that happen to me ALL THE TIME, then i regret afterwards for not saying' anything. >.< *sighs* welcome to meh life.

    also, can you just like stop being flawless for two seconds? that probably isn't possible since you were born flawless, but seriously... is there like an off switch? probably not.
    Y U SO AMAZING?!?

    like, ugh. I just love you so stinkin' much! DX

    you're killing me. i hope you are happy with yourself.

    love, your not-so-flawless friend,
    Kenz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, I feel yah girly. •-• I feel yah...

      But Kenz...I ain't flawless. •-• The switch was never on.

      Aww, I love you too. <3

      Not really. I'm never truly happy with myself...

      love, your NOT flawless friend,
      Rosie

      Delete
  5. Rose... you have no idea how many times I wished I would've done something differently. Thanks for telling me that there's others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for relating, Storyteller. :) It's so nice to know you aren't the only one, isn't it?

      Delete
  6. Goodness knows I've looked back on SO MANY things and thought of how I could've done something differently. but I will never be able to do that, so I guess I just need to accept it, and let the past be the past. :)

    xoxo
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. :) I'm so glad you can relate.

      Thank you for the wonderful comment. <3

      -Rose

      Delete
  7. Oh I know! The past is something I would re-write a hundred times! But we can't affect the past anymore, but we can affect the future. :) Awesome post!
    Oh, you're tagged. :D
    pinkmels.blogspot.com

    Melody <3

    ReplyDelete

All comments I receive are cherished for many hours after reading them. Thank you for taking the time to type something to me.

xx Nicole Rose

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